Feeding the Fire

Finally we know what the Homeland Security Office has been up to, other than phoning in orange alerts whenever we need a new bill passed or one of the warmonger elite need to get some pep for the war (like just after Colin Powell pitched his war). They’ve been learning about the internet. Here’s the stop, drop, and roll for a new millenium.

The warnings and admonishments have been a great boom to Wal*Mart, as their customers stack duct tape and Hefty Bags on top of their Doritos and Ding Dongs, which should preserve them through a nuclear winter.

Get your duct tape ready. Mine is dangling from the windows along with some glad bags, awaiting their chance to spring into action. With the pull of a string, I will release a bucket of jelly beans to counterweight the pulling up of the plastic bags, simultaneously freeing a horde of underfed mice who will pull and seal the duct tape over the plasic, to form a terror proof bunker out of my house. They will then all rush to eat the jelly bellies in the bucket where I will seal them and snack on mice over the next 7 months waiting for my shortwave radio to bring me word of W coming over the Cascades on the back of a white elephant, Osama bin Laden’s head in tow.

But in the meantime the duct tape is just gathering flies.