Feeding the Fire

Finally we know what the Homeland Security Office has been up to, other than phoning in orange alerts whenever we need a new bill passed or one of the warmonger elite need to get some pep for the war (like just after Colin Powell pitched his war). They’ve been learning about the internet. Here’s the stop, drop, and roll for a new millenium.

The warnings and admonishments have been a great boom to Wal*Mart, as their customers stack duct tape and Hefty Bags on top of their Doritos and Ding Dongs, which should preserve them through a nuclear winter.

Get your duct tape ready. Mine is dangling from the windows along with some glad bags, awaiting their chance to spring into action. With the pull of a string, I will release a bucket of jelly beans to counterweight the pulling up of the plastic bags, simultaneously freeing a horde of underfed mice who will pull and seal the duct tape over the plasic, to form a terror proof bunker out of my house. They will then all rush to eat the jelly bellies in the bucket where I will seal them and snack on mice over the next 7 months waiting for my shortwave radio to bring me word of W coming over the Cascades on the back of a white elephant, Osama bin Laden’s head in tow.

But in the meantime the duct tape is just gathering flies.

Too much crap

I just cannot keep up with all the bad things that are happening right now. It’s really amazing. We’ve spiralled from a crappy biased dirty election to piss-poor economy and massive layoffs to terrorism to corporate scandal (involving so much political inbreeding it’s awe inspiring) to undeclared undefined wars to undeclared defined wars. And that’s just nationally. Here in Oregon, we’re busy screwing ourselves right and left. The whole Measure 28 failure is a fiasco. We are screwed. Crap, love it or leave it? Let’s just boot the incontivertible ass holes, of which we have plenty. Luckily, I hear that Multnomah county is trying to make it happen locally. Which might give us a fighting chance. I read today that there’s a school in deep southest (Portland) that is allowing Qwest or someone to erect a cell phone tower, paying on the order of $1000/month. That’s diddly squat. And ugly as all get-out. Let’s get our thumbs out of our asses and do something while we still can. Everyone’s screwed, not just you and the homeless.

But on the national front, what the hell is going on? George is a friggin maniac. Sneaky bastard, putting in crazy tax cuts while pretending to mourn the Shuttle astronauts, and whenever there’s any question about something that’s going on up there, we jump to Code Orange terror alert. The terror buzzer has proven to be one of the greatest manipulators of a society I’ve ever heard of. Next to oil and money. They can say whatever they want, lie, lay it on thick, then be like, “oh, we caught them, but we need to cut the rich taxes cuz death tax isn’t fair. You bourgeois…shoulder their burden too, and get used to your crappy service job. They’re saving up to move to a small island.” Kiss my ass. There are some very significant issues going on right now. And we have a nonelected dictator who is lying to us in office right now. He’s not going anywhere. He can ride terrorism, no taxes, and the war right into office again. The Democrats suck horribly. I used to think there was little difference between the parties…like yesterday. But now I’m realizing just how far the replicans will take things…they aren’t so different, just varied magnifications.

Portland Radio Sucks

It truly does. Once again. In bold. Portland Radio Sucks. Bigtime. I could stop this story right here, and probably have said all that I need to, but then what would be the fun in that? I am just freakin’ so sick and tired of all the damn commercials and the stupid DJ’s mackin on strippers for 47 minutes out of each hour. And the three songs that I do hear…if my timing was good and I get to hear any on my commute…are the same ones by the same ‘artists’, rotating between Rage Against the Machine, tool, System of A Down, Korn (sorry deep guys can’t do that kewl ‘K’ thing they do), with maybe a bit of Metallica blended in.

I can’t imagine that it has anything to do with the way our stations take their annual turns at being a different national Radio conglomerate’s bitch all the friggin time. The air waves belong to the people NOT those ass-holes at Clear Channel and Viacom. We as citizens need to take interest in who has control of our media. But this isn’t the place or time for an intellectual and political discourse on the demerits of the FCC and deregulation. This is a time to whine and moan.
I have gotten into my car, driven for nearly 15 minutes and heard only freakin commercials on our local rock station. I’ve gone at least twenty minutes without a song. And these are music stations. Criminy! The alternative station, KNRK sometimes hints that it means well, It actually devotes time to local artists. For like an hour when even Taco Bell is closed! And Art’s show seems interesting sometimes. But that does not make it okay to suck the rest of the time. Their playlist is aye-dent-ti-kal to that of KUFO’s, the hard rock station (to be confused with the rock station at the same location on your flaccid tuner).

Portland is a city with a great music scene. There are a lot of good shows going on every night, album release parties weekly. And some of those are probably crap. But that’s okay. Seattle’s not too far away, nor is San Francisco, even Boisemight have an emerging band or two. I don’t know, because they’s rather not come here. If we demanded our music be taken seriously, we might be taken that way.

So I’m absolutely fed up with the situation as it is. I haven’t figured out my more drastic measures yet, but I’m sure I’ll figure something out and you’ll be the first to know about it. But in the meantime, I’ve ditched local radio all-to-friggin-gether and subscribed to Sirius Satellite Radio…expect a full review of that in a different voice than this, but suffice it to say for now that it’s so liberating it rocks.

Anyhow, I may as well make a few demands.

  1. Vary your music a little!
  2. Play less commercials
  3. I don’t care how hot she is I can’t see her!
  4. DJ’s: shut the hell up and play some music if you’re too stupid to have an original idea friggin Marconi!
  5. Represent our local artists! I know your corporate John’s can’t handle anything a bit original, but it’s your freakin duty!
  6. Request hour is just that. It’s not sit take calls until you can get a suondbite for the next song on your playlist

ps – kiss my ass Clear Channel!

The New In Thing

Marriage. Topping the list of What’s Hot right now. Fox is premiering several new blockbuster mega-hypo shows where the winners and losers get married to each other, themselves, and total strangers. Not to mention the past classics like marrying millionaire monkeys and throwing turtles at wed-shops in vegas. And ThankYou Joe (Evan).

It’s freakin bizzarro to me, the trend. Now that the concept of marriage has been totally despoiled by the likes of wadded up right-wing Family Values groupies pulling anti-gay anti-choice propaganda, and our (me being pretty solid Gen-X) parents’s generation treating them like Kleenex, snotted or no.
It’s tough to believe that the end-all for so many people is to tie the knot. Despite all that, I do believe that there is value in marriage. Be it intangible or no, there is still a silent strength to it. When you see two of your friends, and suddenly remember, with a double-take, that they’re married, there’s something there. Maybe the introduction of children draws value from the marriage. Perhaps it makes taxes easise, but I doubt it. Benefits are easier for married couples than partner-types, but some progressive locales are stepping up there.

Weddings can also be quite fun. Not pizza though, a bad one is no good, and that’s one spendy pie. So make it a good one. Get your friends there, dress ’em up and get them drunk on something, make sure the music doesn’t suck because that’s going to be the deal-breaker. A DJ or a band that you know will be fun…probably a bit of cheese is good, because these are drunk people and they don’t need to be chinning up in some cotillion.

In the past times of war and uncertainty, Americans have shown a tendency to marry recklessly and breed. We get the baby boomer generation. Also, a ton of army men coming back from the Gulf and marrying promptly. Not just the millitants, but others, particularly in a down economy, snuggling to stay warm against the heating bills make their babies as a symbol of power and security.