Roller Derby – Season 1 Night 1

I’ve written about the roller derby before.  And here it is again.   Last time was an exhibition.  This weekend, these ladies were for real.  The league has begun, and they kicked ass.  The Rose City Rollers is Portland’s roller derby league, and it is currently comprised of 4 teams:  sweet Breakneck Betties, ritzy High Rollers, compassionless Heartless Heathers, and the evil Guns ‘n Rollers.  Sometime since the exhibition match these ladies became athletes.  They kicked ass before, but on Saturday they took the sport to a level Portland has not seen in decades.

The event was classic Portland, with the Last Regiment of Syncopated Drummers opening with the tunes, just following a stellar display of skate(wo)manship by the MC diva as she danced seductively atop a wood platform supported by Zoo Bomber ‘hunks’ in leetle skivvies.  The national anthem was uh performed by the Elvis Impersonator mascot of the Breakneck Betties.  And the halftime show consisted of some LRSD music, the zoo bombers acting entertainingly like nuts, and some pretty talented ladies doing a synchronized bicycle dance that was mesmerizing.  Props to the DJ as well, who played an appropriate blend of tunes.  If I get motivated I’ll grab my program and update this post with the people’s names.

So, the skating was far more fast-paced, skillful, and violent this time.  But still friendly.  It was excellent, and I was happy to see some new ladies step up.  Previously, I’ve given call-out props to the likes of Goody Two Skates, Izo Easy, November Pain, and Vominatrix.  This time, many more of the ladies stepped it up.  On my favorite team, the Hearless Heathers, I was ecstatic to see many of the ladies kicking serious ass.  Of note, Sump Pump was seriously kickass.  She owned the jam when she was jammer.  Sol Train rocked, she had talent before, but she’s channeled speed that I hadn’t seen before, and ran through the competition time and time again.  Lastly, my buddy D-Day found her self.  Found herself kicking ass, that is!  I’d say she had by far the most solid slingshots of the night, and worked well as pivot with her blockers to shutdown the offense.  Congrats on the come from behind victory ladies!

I have difficulty picking a favorite team because I know all the ladies are out there busting ass and having fun.  It’s so obvious it’s a blast.  I’m so impressed at what they’ve accomplished (with their coaches/managers/supporters/sponsors).  The place was packed and fun, and it was actually possible to get a beer in under 5 minutes.  They might want to bring in some port-o-janes for the ladies though.

Now is the time for me to repeat my gripe from last time.  It’s not cool to keep giving the strongest newcomers to the Guns ‘n Rollers.  Death Trish was speedy almost like November Pain.  Save it for the national team, share the wealth.  The High Rollers did a great job of battling it out in the first half of the match, but they simply could not match the depth of jammers that the Guns ‘n Rollers had.  In any case, all the High Rollers played a fantastic bout and I cheered my ass off for you.  Same goes for the Breakneck Betties.  Y’all rock.  cheers!

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